Alina
My journey
How it all began..
I was born into a family of musicians. My parents were both violinists, so it was the most natural thing for me, to start playing that instrument at the age of 4.
Living in the Soviet Union was a constant fight for survival. When my father realized my talent and potential for becoming a promising violinist, he put all his hopes and dreams on my shoulders. For the following 15 years he was my teacher, my coach and my agent.
Performing became my reality at the age of 5. I can still feel the excitement and fulfillment mixing with the enormous pressure and the fear of failing, since my whole family depended on me succeeding as a musician.
I remember having strong stomach cramps before and after concerts and the tremendous fear of failing.
I got used to it all, I was raised to be strong, to play better than everybody else, to be a fighter. I got so used to the loneliness, the fear, the pain, they were just such a normal part of my life, I did not question, that something about this was not right.
30 years later, I can now see the innocence of my parents in how they did what they considered right. What they considered was best for me.
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Performing became my reality at the age of 5. I can still feel the excitement and fulfilment mixing with the enormous pressure and the fear of failing, since my whole family depended on me succeeding as a musician.”
— Alina
Growing up…
In 1992 we moved to Germany, only taking 3 violin and a suitcase with us, making our living by playing arrangements for 3 violins on the streets of Heidelberg. Many people helped us in that time, offering us shelter and support in many different ways. It really laid a foundation for my faith in people and the goodness in them, which has never left me since.
My life as a young girl in Germany was pretty much all about practicing the violin, playing concerts, attending competitions and somehow managing the school on the side.
It was all about getting to that magical place, where I would finally arrive, be happy and successful.
After moving to Berlin for studies and some years later winning the International Sibelius Competition, I could see my (and my fathers) dreams finally come true: I would work as a soloist around the world.
Years later, after a lot of inner work, therapy, meditation practice, after becoming a mother and learning to really choose what is important for me in my life, I can say that I have found so much joy, fulfillment and freedom on and off stage, that I wish to share that with my colleagues and with the new generation of young musicians.
I still perform on a high level, but I learned to define success in a new way. I am not anymore the slave of an idea, of a goal, of a never-ending chase.I am learning to choose the life I want to live. And: of course it is a never-ending journey.
I did not get the emotional, physical and psychological support I needed, when I was studying, my journey felt like a very lonely one. And I know, it doesn’t have to be this way, since we as musicians share so many questions, doubts, fears, hopes and dreams.
We share the love for this incredible language of ours, that goes far beyond words and that is intertwined with our souls and hearts. Our path is not always a clear and straight one. Not everybody is born to be a soloist, a professor or an orchestra musician. My path led me to create Mindful Music Making, something nobody could have known before. Something unique wanted to be expressed through me and it was possible because I questioned the path that had been chosen for me.
I wish to encourage other people to listen to the truth in their hearts. I wish to support and to assist them in this beautiful process of unfolding their uniqueness.
Success??
After a while I realized that my path had let me to a place of burn-out. I felt tired, physically ill, lonely and pretty unfulfilled. Was this what I had been dreaming of my whole life?
Of course, already as a teenager I had started to ask myself the unavoidable questions: who am I without my instrument? Did I ever have a choice in what to become in my life?
But there was no real space to go deep into these questions. Because a part of me knew, that I needed to succeed in this career. After arriving at that place, and after my heart and my body showed me in a very clear way, that I needed to change something, I allowed myself to really pause, for the first time in my life.
The Vision behind Mindful Music Making
Years later, after a lot of inner work, therapy, meditation practice, after becoming a mother and learning to really choose what is important for me in my life, I can say that I have found so much joy, fulfillment and freedom on and off stage, that I wish to share that with my colleagues and with the new generation of young musicians.
I still perform on a high level, but I learned to define success in a new way. I am not anymore the slave of an idea, of a goal, of a never-ending chase.
I am learning to choose the life I want to live. And: of course it is a never-ending journey.
I did not get the emotional, physical and psychological support I needed, when I was studying, my journey felt like a very lonely one. And I know, it doesn’t have to be this way, since we as musicians share so many questions, doubts, fears, hopes and dreams. We share the love for this incredible language of ours, that goes far beyond words and that is intertwined with our souls and hearts.
Our path is not always a clear and straight one. Not everybody is born to be a soloist, a professor or a orchestra musician. My path led me to create Mindful Music Making, something nobody could have known before. Something unique wanted to be expressed through me and it was possible because I questioned the path that had been chosen for me. I wish to encourage other people to listen to the truth in their hearts. I wish to support and to assist them in this beautiful process of unfolding their uniqueness.
For more information visit Alina Pogostkina’s professional website.